tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47164465351730898502011-09-28T11:52:18.332-07:00Insights, revelations, ponderings, love songs to and from my Father, reflections. My aim is to reflect the Lord to all who enter into this sanctuary. Everything that is good in me is Him, so discard the "me stuff" and hold onto the "God truth." I pray that you get a glimpse of Jesus through my insufficient words.Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.comBlogger851100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-67580205458342357572010-02-04T20:17:00.000-08:002010-02-04T20:18:27.954-08:00

This week, I sat in a room with a friend, who may or may not know Christ. We were in a group setting, and she was in an eating disordered frenzy, ranting, hating herself for giving in to ED. As she shared her story, I noticed a cube in her hand that she was rapidly and manically playing with. Her anxiety so powerful that she could not keep her hands still. I was shocked at what she was furiously

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-47032198473951544422010-02-02T21:11:00.001-08:002010-02-02T21:11:19.187-08:00

Who knew healing would hurt so bad?Who knew getting better would make me so sad?Years of not feeling pile up like mounds of snow,Ages of thawing and so much more to go.Who knew right would feel so wrong? It makes sense, considering wrong was right for so long. Re-defining life means stirring up the put.Though it is ultimately best, I would rather not. The paradox of descent to rise above,Joins

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-4553114134365968742010-02-01T21:27:00.001-08:002010-02-01T21:27:49.170-08:00

The looking glass,What a strange invention,More so than a sea of faces,The mirror captures our attention. Accurate reflection?I plead no,Yet look all the more intensely. Reflecting phantom images,Mere perceptions,Distorted colors, shapes, sizes, contours.Why gaze at an imitation? Maybe…There is a reason we can’t look ourselves (our real selves) in the face. Maybe…There is a reason why we can’t

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-30114031773346215192010-01-31T21:05:00.001-08:002010-01-31T21:05:56.399-08:00

Somewhere between the slimy pit and the solid ground,Somewhere between depression and joy,Somewhere between crippling anxiety and perfect peace,Somewhere between curses and blessings,Somewhere between bondage and freedom,Somewhere between sick and healthy, Somewhere between despair and hope,Somewhere between doubts and belief,Somewhere between starving and nourished,Somewhere between comfort and

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-52232041996101206372010-01-29T17:30:00.001-08:002010-01-30T08:18:25.405-08:00

Oh skinny vanilla latte,You claim to bring satisfaction with less,But you only give less with longing.Oh skinny jeans,You claim to slim the frame,But you only “look good” on those who are without curves. Oh skinny models,You claim, with your sunken cheeks, Pre-adolescent stalks for legs,Painful collar bones,shoulder blades and spines,To be role models for youth,But you only advertise death. Your

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-5793115278896534782009-11-24T22:40:00.001-08:002009-11-24T22:40:25.884-08:00

I have encountered multifarious difficulties this semester. I did not anticipate these types of obstacles. I am glad that I did not know ahead of time the traumas that I would face, or I would have hidden away in the safe town of Clemmons, surrounded by the cocoon of my church family and friends. I didn’t know, and that was better. What has felt in many ways like dying is emerging into a

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-56782790622813858682009-10-30T22:16:00.000-07:002009-10-30T22:17:10.738-07:00

I was just given the most simple yet absolutely perfect revelation. God chose to create me. Because of that, I am the Beloved. He did not have to choose to form me. He did not have to breathe life into my lungs. Every individual, everywhere, historically, presently, and in the future is infinitely valuable because the God of the universe breathes His life into them. He chose us the moment He

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-64941987939871549792009-10-30T11:09:00.000-07:002009-10-30T12:10:42.221-07:00

When I say "Samaritan," what do you automatically think of? Before I understood Bible history or different people groups in the New Testament, I thought a Samaritan was a good neighbor. I did not realize that Samaritans were frowned upon by the Jews. I did not recognize the negative connotations that were implicitly held by the word "Samaritan." Samaritans were half-breeds. They had a defective

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-88803580389107327752009-10-26T20:58:00.001-07:002009-10-26T20:58:48.715-07:00

Every cloud has a silver lining. What the heck does that mean? Clouds don’t have linings. They are vapors. And if they had linings, they couldn’t be made of silver. It is not flexible enough. It is metal, not cloth. Silver lining in clouds is impossible. Can there be good embedded in every situation? Finding out from the doctor that the growth is malignant? The dreaded call that brings your

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-70549397578894302342009-10-05T20:56:00.000-07:002009-10-05T20:57:08.069-07:00

I lived in a world of fault. It was my fault for everything, down to natural disasters. It was my fault for family dysfunction and illness. I was somehow responsible for everything. I was the one who deserved punishment. Now, this is natural in some stages of development, when the world seems to revolve around the child, but somehow I maintained this weight of responsibility. It was like I

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-89165538948587366792009-09-25T19:28:00.000-07:002009-09-26T17:23:20.720-07:00

She was dying. She was just twelve. I didn’t care anymore how it looked. I could pretend that I didn’t believe to save face in front of the other leaders, but it wasn’t about saving face anymore. My little girl was dying. There was no hope besides this Man. I may lose my position. But it didn’t matter. She was worth it. I couldn’t remember life before her. She was the sun that lit my days

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-79618559321052740492009-09-18T16:22:00.000-07:002009-09-18T16:23:16.009-07:00

As I studied Mark 8:22-26, I was astonished at an element of the story that I have always overlooked. Here is the passage in the NIV: “They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put His hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” He

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-36289108019128876452009-09-16T21:22:00.000-07:002009-09-16T21:23:01.256-07:00

I am sick of swallowing my emotions. I am nauseous all the time, and I know that is why. Somehow, somewhere along the line, I bought into the belief that people can’t handle my emotions, that I can’t handle my emotions, and that God doesn’t want to handle my emotions. I have believed that they are morally wrong to have. I have bought into the lie that true healthy Christians can’t feel fear,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-77453127120597238422009-09-09T19:46:00.000-07:002009-09-09T19:48:00.876-07:00

The Lord calls His followers to justice. I love the verse in Micah 6:8 which says that the Lord requires of us to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God and with men. Until tonight, I have had yet to experience such a heavy weight of responsibility as a counselor. There is a call for justice, and those who cannot speak for themselves need someone to speak for them. If it is true

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-83910321862228505052009-09-08T20:54:00.000-07:002009-09-08T20:55:47.624-07:00

I sat enjoying my first meal in the ATS cafeteria last week, when my eyes landed on a little sign that was posted on the napkin holder. The sign, which may be helpful to some, was troublesome to me.It said: “Chew gum. Curb snack cravings.” First of all, on a research based level, gum has been proven to be somewhat unhealthy to the stomach. The chewing process causes the stomach to secrete

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-8655934191158667232009-09-05T22:17:00.000-07:002009-09-05T22:20:04.715-07:00

I have been given a new picture of God as benefactor. This picture is the ancient Greco-Roman patron-client relationship. In this relationship, the Patron is the benefactor who gives altruistically, without expecting anything in return from His “client.” He makes the gift strictly for the sake of giving. The goal is not to create servants, but to serve. The term for this altruistic

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-31768797885592166812009-09-04T20:48:00.000-07:002009-09-04T20:49:34.408-07:00

At the risk of sounding narcissistic and self-absorbed, I have done some extensive research of my name. My name is Megan Elizabeth. My mom had a card that she stuck to our refrigerator as I was a child. It had my name on it and its definition. I would read it and feel precious and seen. Megan means “pearl”. Elizabeth means “consecrated unto God”. Specifically, the Hebrew definition for

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-82782411890408090362009-09-03T20:55:00.000-07:002009-09-03T20:57:34.259-07:00

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.” Psalm 23:5I find myself back in the place of former oppression, death, and darkness. This is the place where my enemies triumphed and almost had my life. This was the place of the greatest promise and the most devastating loss. The enemy stole the table set before me. There was food that the Lord had prepared, but it was stolen,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-44183202985317633692009-09-03T20:11:00.000-07:002009-09-03T20:12:34.971-07:00

Today held a lot of significance in the healing process for me. As all of the new students have arrived on campus, I have found myself experimenting on self-disclosure. People here are incredibly kind, friendly, and sincere. It is a great environment. I also fear some judgment and condemnation (based on my own judgment and condemnation but also based on experiences at church and at college). I

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-88820475304686959402009-08-28T20:49:00.000-07:002009-08-28T20:50:00.122-07:00

I, Megan Coe, am a turtle. I have the capacity to stretch my neck far enough to get my head out of my shell into the world. But one little discomfort or threat causes me to thrust my head right back into the safe, dark, familiar home of my little shell. I am an introvert. I thrive on alone time. This does not mean that I was designed to be alone. Why would God make introverts if He designed us

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-58466943240833932312009-08-20T20:38:00.000-07:002009-08-20T20:39:33.826-07:00

The first two and a half decades of my life were riddled with fear, darkness, and death. As a child, the night was the time of evil, oppression, and turmoil. Bed time was terrifying, because I was left alone in the dark with the demons that flooded my waking and sleeping hours. Night after night I faced with terror and dread. I stretched out the evening. I did not want to stay up late for

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-73717739691313542882009-08-17T20:27:00.000-07:002009-08-17T20:35:33.198-07:00

Where is God?Where is He to be found?Only in the churches, clothed in holy robes?Where is God?Let us look around,He is walking the streets, garbed in tattered clothes.Where is God?Woven through our being,We reflect His true visage, formed by His own hand. Where is God?Are we blind, not seeing,His own divine shadows, now cloaking this land? Where is God?Cooped up in the temple?He will not be

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-27367921773208976252009-08-13T19:48:00.000-07:002009-08-13T19:49:29.257-07:00

Who has known or understood the mind (the counsels and purposes) of the Lord so as to guide and instruct Him and give Him knowledge? But we have the mind of Christ (the Messiah) and do hold the thoughts (feelings and purposes) of His heart. 1 Corinthians 2:16What does it mean that I have the mind of Christ? This is a verse that I have mindlessly quoted, but I have not fully absorbed what this

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-34783546041900144002009-08-05T21:33:00.000-07:002009-08-05T21:35:06.712-07:00

“ And He [Jesus] existed before all things, and in Him all things consist, cohere, and are held together.” I found myself caught up in the rat race of striving and straining in class. I got a B+ on the first test of my graduate school career, and I was furious. I worked so hard. I thought I was smarter than that. It was easy. It is so simple, really. So how did I get it wrong? (Oh wait, there is

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-86163713285956812952009-08-01T15:14:00.001-07:002009-08-01T15:14:48.881-07:00

Burning orange blaze,Cascading like a torrentThrough the sky.My eyes can nowReceive its passion. Little yellow lily,Face lifted radiantly,Blushing in the glow.My heart at lastAbsorbs its glory. Stabbing pain of loss,Piercing like a dartThrough my wounded soul,My sobs forming withinCannot be silenced. Fears once held at bay,Bubble forth beyondTheir well-kept banks.My once forceful strengthNo

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-27049381634836349712009-07-30T19:59:00.000-07:002009-07-30T20:02:44.273-07:00

I took a stroll tonight on a beautiful trail behind Asbury College. I thought that I was incredibly familiar with this course until tonight when it hit me that I had missed its glory. It was the course behind the college where I ran cross country. I always like to say that I “ran cross country in college.” The fact is that I tried to run in college. I ran too hard and too long, injured myself,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-34517764837359541942009-07-30T18:02:00.000-07:002009-07-30T18:05:59.792-07:00

This is a little scholarly sounding, but it is still very personal and honest. I think scholarly is going to become a little more pervasive in my writing at least for the next couple years, so I appoligize ahead of time!During this past year and a half, God has done a greater transformative work in my life than ever before. Through His Spirit’s calling, leading to my continued surrender, I have

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-32084779521755389542009-07-21T22:21:00.000-07:002009-07-21T22:24:15.168-07:00

One time, 11 years ago, I was running and running and running, in the blazing heat of a summer afternoon, after 8 hours of building a roof on a church mission trip. I was running endless circles around a track, simultaneously numb and hurting. Echoes of a Voice of truth rang in the back of my head, but I thought that I could run away from it. I was in the running zone, which for me was deadness,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-3537980856961819882009-07-12T19:51:00.001-07:002009-07-12T19:51:40.615-07:00

There is a sobering splendor,A furious fortitude,A chaotic complexity,On this sinful stunning planet.The lion, the kingly killer,The mountains, triumphant and terrible,The sea, rapturous yet raging,The clouds, producing calming rain and clamoring lightning,The sun, yielding warming rays, and withering radiation,The mind, profoundly deep and psychotically depraved. The heart, lovely and lowly.

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-58596095171848792792009-07-10T22:12:00.000-07:002009-07-10T22:13:40.533-07:00

As I walked on the tread-climber today, my mercy ring caught my eye. Honestly, I never take it off, except to wash dishes. I think that it is beautiful, not necessarily because of its physical appearance. It might not be a size and style that I would pick for my finger, and people are often asking if I am married or engaged. I gaze at it and love it with such a fierce passion because of what it

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-77935863194706270022009-07-07T18:32:00.000-07:002009-07-08T12:28:56.688-07:00

She sits, rocking, looking at the empty cradle,The yellow walls scream, mocking,Her heart, broken in pieces,“Why” is too simple. There are no words. Life is backwards, inside-out.Light has become dark.The yellow has turned to grey. How to keep believing? She mourns and weeps. Can we understand on this side? Should we try?Just taking it as it comes, Trusting, even when there is no trust left.Tears

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-70008131204520748562009-07-05T20:37:00.001-07:002009-07-05T20:38:10.846-07:00

Look in her eyes,Raise your gaze.She wants to distract you,From who she is. She wants to be invisible,But don’t let her. See in her hurt.Scars deeper than tools can reach,She tries to deny them,So you won’t judge.Not wanting to be hurt again,She retreats into death. See her need.Desperate for His love,She feels unworthy,So she does not reach out. Longing but terrified,She puts up walls. See her

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-5391154319451419262009-06-29T21:50:00.000-07:002009-06-29T21:52:12.929-07:00

I employ the Nike slogan "just do it."I evaluate the discrepancies between my behavior and my words.I open my days and close my days with the truths that are to replace the lies. I spend them in the Bible and in prayer.I keep it real with accountability and my treatment team.I recognize that recovery is a process, and there is joy in the journey.I realize that I cannot "negotiate" with the eating

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-74062496581860811042009-06-28T19:05:00.000-07:002009-06-28T19:19:03.812-07:00

I am doing the Beth Moore study on the Psalms of the Ascents. Another name for this series of Psalms from 120 to 134 is “Psalms of degrees.” These were the songs of pilgrims, as they returned to Jerusalem from Babylonian captivity. They were songs that were sung as the pilgrims ascended the 15 steps into the temple. They were songs of celebration. The captive children of Israel had not sung in

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-16781970545580275952009-06-22T20:00:00.000-07:002009-06-22T20:01:12.636-07:00

Bent down, overwhelmed, undone,Brought low by abuses unjust,Persecuted for the sake of the One,Wondering if this vessel is crushed.Our frailty reinforced by Divine,This pottery proves the impossible true,The priceless treasure is mine,When these momentary trials are through. We obey, our burdens are strengths,When the veil of time is rent,Doxa glory crosses the lengthsOf eternity never to be

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-43221807937531561672009-06-22T19:31:00.000-07:002009-06-22T19:32:43.057-07:00

Eternal Weight of glory…Ok, so I think that I see the significance of the “eternal weight of glory”. My great friend Tamara texted me last week and asked me what “Glory” means. On Sunday morning, I found myself tripping on the phrase in 2 Corinthians 4, “eternal weight of glory.” Why weight? This weight is actually the term “baros” which I assumed earlier this year to be the negative kind of

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-51499036013914026362009-06-18T20:46:00.000-07:002009-06-18T20:47:13.616-07:00

Are you ready, beloved?No, Lord. Not yet. Ok, my love. I will wait.Are you ready, dear child?Lord, no, I am too scared.Child, my love drives out fear, but I will wait.You must come forth, precious daughter.But Lord, I don’t know what will happen.The mountain looks steep. I cannot imagine climbing it without falling.How can I ever get to the place of promise?I have been waiting for you to ask,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-55355503945152836552009-06-18T20:09:00.000-07:002009-06-18T20:10:14.460-07:00

I am coming to a place where the Lord wants to bring further healing. Therefore, the enemy is fighting all the more fiercely against that healing. I am finding myself facing temptation after temptation to slip back into old patterns. I have been so discouraged the past couple days as I have faced fatigue, feelings of frustration regarding food and body image, and feelings of depression and

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-25795188704640249872009-06-18T15:07:00.001-07:002009-06-18T15:07:43.404-07:00

1. Singing.2. Awake tea with cream and honey.3. Sundresses.4. Getting lost in a book. 5. Dutch blitz.6. Rook.7. Watching birds. 8. Oxford.9. Decorating.10. Dancing on the beach at night. 11. Flying.12. Dairy Queen.13. Blogging.14. Poetry.15. Truth cards.16. My “little sister.”17. Daylilies.18. Rainbows after fierce storms.19. Adventures with friends.20. Getting a random email from a long-lost

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-55722227767601903192009-06-15T19:24:00.000-07:002009-06-15T19:26:21.962-07:00

1. Praise is my greatest weapon against the enemy.2. Head knowledge can only get you so far.3. God’s plans prevail. 4. God’s mercy goes infinitely beyond what I deserve. 5. Life is too short to focus on pant size. 6. Sanctification is a state of being as well as a life-long journey. 7. Until I accept the Love of God, I will be a slave to fear. 8. Contentment is destroyed by comparison.9. God

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-73298240421912998882009-06-14T20:11:00.000-07:002009-06-14T20:12:25.563-07:00

When I look up for help, I sigh.There is no help to be seen. I cry out for help.From where will it come? It comes from You, my Lord,Maker of the depths of the earth,And Lover of the depths of my soul. You molded each pebble and grain of sand.And order my steps and days. You ignited the Sun with flame,But protect me from its burning rays.You shaped the face of the moon,Yet shield me from its

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-65565598387991114182009-06-10T21:22:00.000-07:002009-06-10T21:23:27.116-07:00

How do you make sense out of the senseless?How do you order the chaos?How do you regain innocence?How can you hope for the impossible?I don’t see the options,Or feel the presence of the Divine. The Word is dry as sandpaper,The truth rubs sores on chapped lips. My heart aches,My tears flow,My mind reels,My body recoils. Where are You in the grief?Where are You when rationality flees?Where are You

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-35807690897103914782009-06-03T19:36:00.000-07:002009-06-03T19:38:39.717-07:00

We are not long here…I was listening to a song yesterday as I was mowing my yard. It was about this beautiful, broken world. It said, “Would the day still be as sweet if it had no end?” Frailty of flesh….transitory lives…..dying daily.I turned 27. I don’t feel 27. I don’t look 27. But I am 27. Some call this young. Others call it old. In the span of eternity, three years is the same as 27 years

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-40540757175787132542009-05-30T21:29:00.000-07:002009-05-30T21:30:07.824-07:00

I wanted a “safe” God,I craved comfort,I wanted trials to cease and tears to dry.I wanted a mild God,I asked for ease.I did not want to go through fire or river. He took me through danger,We passed through the valley of the shadow of death,We fought battle after battle.We faced all sorts of tribulations.We grieved loss,We braved illness,I was wounded and lived on my knees. I suffered thorns.And I

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-52077015471961797062009-05-30T20:55:00.000-07:002009-05-30T20:57:25.406-07:00

“I set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a token or sign of a covenant (solemn pledge, promise) between Me and the earth.” Genesis 9:13My birthday was yesterday. It had been raining steadily for the previous week or two. I was sick of the rain. I prayed of a rainless birthday. I believed God for my rainless birthday. I told my friends that it would not rain, because surely God would approve

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-34441046558452021092009-05-27T18:38:00.000-07:002009-05-27T18:39:03.651-07:00

In choir, we are singing a song titled, “Out of Ashes.” I LOVE this song because I feel like my life has been raised out of the ashes. The song says, “out of ashes into freedom, out of dying into life, see the joy that’s set before us in the blinding cross of Christ.” I first learned this song last year, when I was in ashes. All I knew was death, bondage, and pain. We are singing this song

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-80288212951427839082009-05-23T20:01:00.000-07:002009-05-23T20:02:19.563-07:00

I am the Amen, trustworthy and faithful.I speak the Word of life, truth, and victory.If it abides in you, on your lips and in your heart,You are my children.This Word existed before time.It is your Life.It is your Truth.It is your Triumph.Even if you are chained and imprisoned, it will not be.My double-edged Sword,It divides the soul and the Spirit.Know it,Wield It,Speak It,In It is the Kingdom.I

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-68195961370312634852009-05-21T18:31:00.000-07:002009-05-21T18:32:05.655-07:00

I just got a “happy birthday” from God!! I have really been struggling with allowing myself to spend money on food. I have believed for so long that spending money on food is a waste. That is a faulty believe, however, and today God challenged me to buy bagels AND bread at the same time. This sounds so petty and silly, but for me, it is a HUGE challenge. I have lived in such a restrictive

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-29818142413968856152009-05-18T20:12:00.001-07:002009-06-04T11:04:06.309-07:00

Let Your aroma seep from my pores,Perfume flowing, creating a river from my steps.Discernable to all alike,As a fragrance of life for the living,That they may rejoice.As an odor of death for the dying,That they may repent.Let your fragrance exhale,As I breathe out Your Spirit,Flooding a world of stale complacency,Blow the breath of life through my life.Send the enemy spinning,Reeling,Wretching,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-75967448768076409022009-05-17T20:49:00.001-07:002009-05-17T20:49:36.182-07:00

I have always had a difficult time getting out of my head. I am challenged to become more aware of my body, food, and sensations at meals. It is so incredibly difficult. I LOVE to distract. I love to turn off my senses and zone out at the computer or in a good book while I am eating a meal. I think that the more I don’t realize that I am eating, the better. This is still rooted in the fear of

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-7046118781503474162009-05-15T20:08:00.001-07:002009-05-15T20:08:48.258-07:00

In reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis for the fifth or sixth time, I am presented with Lewis’s perspective of a very therapeutic truth regarding attractiveness in the feminine form. Screwtape, in his letters to a lower demon by the name of Wormword, is talking about the traps that the enemy has set for humans in marital attractions. He says that it is the goal of the evil spiritual

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-58280489282497327872009-05-12T19:12:00.001-07:002009-05-12T19:12:24.430-07:00

What happened to Holiness,When Your name was too precious to utter?What happened to greatness,When You were bigger than our pride?What happened to surrender,When we left all to follow your Son?What happened to trust,When You knew better than our intellect?What happened to death,When we denied self, and picked up our cross?What happened to life,That was hidden entirely in You?What happened to

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-7794140076033813372009-05-12T18:59:00.000-07:002009-05-12T19:02:50.484-07:00

I got my prayer language on Sunday night. Over the past week or two, the Lord has brought it to my attention that my hang-up with not getting my prayer language is that I always have to think through what I am going to say before it comes out of my mouth. Well, you cannot think through a prayer language. It flows out of the spirit and not the mind, so there is no room for premeditation. This

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-77916188410107132282009-05-02T21:00:00.000-07:002009-05-02T21:03:08.588-07:00

Will I shatter in Your hand?Will you hold this heart with care?Will I crumble neath the weight,Or find You there to bear?Can I step out farther still,To find that I won’t fall?Can I give up my own quill,To see you write it all?Dare I hope?Isn’t this enough,Or do You ask for more?I think I know Your answer,But I ask to just be sure.Love beckons me deeper,Will I hope?My faith has turned to

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-35471939902064742702009-05-02T20:33:00.000-07:002009-05-02T20:34:14.088-07:00

I have been learning some painful, precious lessons lately. It seems that the value of the lessons is directly proportionate to the pain that accompanies the learning process.I have battled with insecurity and fear of man’s opinion. I know that this is the human condition in its fallen state, but I am so discontent with it. It colors my words, actions, and choices. I have encountered so many

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-85232489369901810002009-04-16T09:57:00.000-07:002009-04-19T20:30:15.558-07:00

As I study Isaiah, I am astounded at the parallels between my life and the condition of this chosen nation of Judah. God made great promises to His people through His covenant with Abraham. He would make them a great nation. He told them that He would bless the nation so that they would be a blessing. His favor would rise upon the Hebrew nation. God said He would make the nation great if they

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-58976629290939775592009-04-15T20:50:00.000-07:002009-04-15T20:51:02.825-07:00

It has been heavily impressed upon my heart in recent weeks and months that we may not be long here. The economy is unstable. Our foundation as a country is shaken. Our health is questionable. Natural disasters are unpredictable. We are sitting ducks in many senses, but in the most vital sense, we are secure and at peace. Our “Rock of Ages”, Jehovah, the all-eternal Lord, is still Lord today. He

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-71590087673242980552009-04-12T04:07:00.001-07:002009-04-12T04:07:45.740-07:00

Your purposes cannot be trumped.Your plans can only prevail.In these shadowlands, we may feel solid,But we are but mere vapors.Your Word, it is eternal.Your promises will stand.This mirage of time will shatter,Revealing the eternal now.Where your name echoes from every lip,All nations, broken, bow.No man-erected structure remains.Only You.Only worship.Only now.

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-8506903446591366082009-04-06T18:57:00.001-07:002009-04-06T18:57:40.178-07:00

Over the past year, I have become afflicted with a new condition. I have become a neat-freak. I have never been compelled to clean before the way that I am bound now. Mercy instilled these standards in my psyche for cleaning. The scrupulosity with which the staff inspected our cleaning was unprecedented. Who knew that baseboards, window frames, and grout were so dirty?? I never did. I am sure

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-37244696192443967202009-03-28T20:27:00.001-07:002009-03-28T20:27:52.944-07:00

Ever since I set foot on the campus of Asbury College in the spring preview session for High School seniors in 2000, God has given me a passion and a desire to be in the little town of Wilmore. Throughout the past eight years, I have strayed and struggled, but God’s faithfulness has remained. Going into Asbury as a freshman, I had HUGE dreams. I wanted to go on the mission field, serve as a

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-29773238414363205172009-03-27T20:33:00.000-07:002009-03-27T20:34:29.207-07:00

I believe that God has truly delivered me, and that I have been walking out freedom in so many ways. Throughout the past couple months, however, I have become aware of bondage to the number on the tag of my clothing. Why does this number have such a hold on me, when it is so changeable? The actual size and fit of pants varies with the store, cut, color, and even just individual pairs of pants.

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-62315536182255029302009-03-23T19:06:00.000-07:002009-03-23T19:07:39.846-07:00

“Our hope endures the worst of conditions; it’s more than our optimism. Let the earth quake; our hope remains.” As I listened to the lyrics of Natalie Grant’s newest song over and over last year, I wept. I didn’t know why. I could make sense out of very little. I was so severely wrongly medicated and traumatized by the events of the preceding months, but something in these lyrics rang true in my

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-46357993851015626382009-03-14T19:42:00.000-07:002009-03-14T19:43:28.170-07:00

For years, I sought to learn my way out of my bondage. I thought that the more I knew about recovery, psychology, myself, and even God, the closer I would be to true healing. I read all the books on eating disorders I could get my hands on, worked all the treatment programs with commitment and tenacity, and I even majored in Psychology in college. I took a class on Psychology of Assessment,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-38365835464989234042009-03-13T15:58:00.000-07:002009-03-13T15:59:13.716-07:00

We have been studying Exodus on Sunday nights at church, and this Sunday, I received a new picture of Moses’ dialogue with God in Exodus 3. The background is that God’s chosen people, the Israelites, have been in Egyptian bondage. God had previously made a covenant with Abraham in Genesis 12 that He would make his people a great nation, and will bless them, making them abundant and famous, so

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-43896078773107362102009-03-12T20:19:00.000-07:002009-03-12T20:20:16.210-07:00

My first step at Mercy was one that was vital in order for me to move forward in the transformation process. For over a decade, I had been so angry at God. I was the “best anorexic” that I could be. I restricted so well, I exercised so strenuously. I should have been thinner than 99.9 percent of the population. I continued my self-destructive process for years while perceiving little physical

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-10887780073916835142009-03-11T19:38:00.000-07:002009-03-11T19:39:16.325-07:00

When I thought of sarcasm, I assumed that it has a less than charming definition. I knew that sarcasm in its purest form is bad, and I have even heard that it is the devil’s tool in the lives of many believers. I have worked in environments where it has run rampant and seen some of its destructive power. It creates friction, confusion, and inflicts hurt while masking its communicator with a

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-86422793185198071052009-03-06T20:16:00.000-08:002009-03-06T20:18:05.164-08:00

I've come too far to turn back now,Freedom tastes too sweet.You've brought me to this abundant place,Through your overflowing mercy and great grace.But you are now taking me deeper, higherTo uncharted and foreign heights.Do I have faith for the next step?Do I have strength for this new weight?You say, "that is the perfect question, my princess.You don't have the strength, but I do.My grace is

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-88573580457151947502009-03-01T19:23:00.001-08:002009-03-01T19:23:57.502-08:00

“ The Lord is my Shepherd to feed, guide, and shield me; I shall not lack…Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23: 1; 4b“A time is coming, and indeed is already here, when the true and genuine worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for the Father is seeking just such a people as these worshippers.” John 4:23God did it again. He spoke to Andrea and to me in very

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-10939144987436413342009-02-24T22:52:00.000-08:002009-02-24T22:53:03.974-08:00

I have yet to experience the intensity of emotions regarding last year’s sequence of events as I have tonight. It could be hormones, exhaustion, situational, spiritual attack, growth, or all of the above. As I lay in bed, I relived the three suicide attempts of last year. I felt the fear, despair, lack of control of my behaviors, shame, and total detachment from the world around me. Still

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-77446698092536251642009-02-20T20:18:00.000-08:002009-02-20T20:19:15.011-08:00

“I desire mercy, not sacrifice.”When Jesus says in Matthew 9:13 that He desires mercy, not sacrifice, what does He mean? I love my close friend Andrea. When we were roommates at Mercy, she would throw out a verse or a reference out of the blue, and I would look it up. We would both seek revelation through the Spirit and through the Word, and the light of the truth would cascade into our room like

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-76415912988700171622009-02-15T19:03:00.001-08:002009-02-15T19:03:42.305-08:00

I brushed tears off of my cheeks as I drove the winding roads of the Eastern Kentucky mountains. You can’t cry while you are driving, especially while driving on a highway that you have never taken before, with sharp turns and random trucks slowed in the right hand lane. My lashes were heavy with moisture, and I tried to talk myself out of my grief at least for the next five or so hours. I

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-28324725409392079002009-02-08T20:41:00.000-08:002009-02-08T20:42:17.340-08:00

The Redemption of “ED”This weekend, I attended an incredible conference at a local seminary. C. J. Mahaney, a passionate, dynamic spokesperson for Christ, presented a beautiful picture of the story of the woman with the Alabaster flask in Mark 14. In this story, the ex-dead guy Lazarus is hosting a party. Simon the Leper, who is no longer leprous, is in attendance. Martha is scurrying around

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-56733819306460848252009-02-03T19:17:00.000-08:002009-02-03T19:21:41.177-08:00

Isn't it interesting that we have a week devoted to being "aware" eating disorders? After battling Anorexia for over 13 years and conquering it over the past year, I am so angry at the eating disorder for taking so much "awareness" from me already. I spent half of my life "aware" of my eating disorder. Finally, I have stepped out of the hyper-awareness into freedom from its dictatorship. A vital

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-17281442602564757772009-02-03T19:16:00.000-08:002009-02-03T19:17:36.081-08:00

Philippians 2:3-5“Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves]. Let each of you esteem and look upon and be

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-53109833706171368582009-01-24T20:28:00.001-08:002009-01-24T20:28:43.294-08:00

Early in my Mercy journey, I found out that God wanted to talk to me, and I just need to sit sometimes and listen. I don't have to strive or study or pray hard. He just wants me to be still sometimes. I was not so sure about this practice, so one night, I sat in my bed and gave in a try. I closed my eyes and just listened. Not too much time passed before I heard a simple statement: "I love you."

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-22739593097495867852009-01-24T20:26:00.000-08:002009-01-24T20:28:04.544-08:00

In light of my previous note on Peter, I was given a new insight into the life of Peter in the context of Jesus's question, "Peter, do you love me?" Peter says, "Lord, you know that I love you." The love that Jesus was speaking of was a very different type of love than Peter responded with. The limit of the English language is that there is one "love" which describes all different types of love.

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-86044800551735986652009-01-15T19:17:00.000-08:002009-01-15T19:18:14.134-08:00

As I study the different words for burden, two uses stand out to me specifically. One word for burden is “baros”. This word denotes a weight, or anything bearing on one physically. It makes a demand on physical or spiritual resources, of the individual that carries it. The other word for burden is “phortion.” This word denotes something that is willfully carried, which is considered to be

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-64174616194717799362009-01-14T11:52:00.000-08:002009-01-14T12:27:23.338-08:00

As I am reading Heavenly Man about Brother Yun, I am reminded that we absolutely cannot divorce God from the miraculous. It the modern Christian church, I find that we often try to place God in boxes. He is notorious for breaking out of those boxes, and I am so glad that He does. Often, churches swing from one extreme to another. One says that God doesn't operate in the means that He did in the

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-24371447292813505562009-01-08T18:48:00.003-08:002009-01-08T18:48:51.131-08:00

God has given me the name “Lilly.” It all started with the prophecy which was spoken over me at Mercy. Jane and Tom Hammon came the first week of December to speak over each girl. They quoted Matthew 6, where Jesus says, “Consider the lilies of the field and learn thoroughly how they grow: they neither toil nor spin. Yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his magnificence, excellence, dignity,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-79277874753043705012009-01-08T17:54:00.000-08:002009-01-08T17:56:29.224-08:00

Hope deferred,heart become ill.Flesh decaying,while flint-set will.Oppressors crushing,Penury undue.Vessel breakingyet being made new.Through trite tribulation,scoffers with hate,rises joy transcendent,Blessed Glorious Weight.

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-51894038935546309302009-01-08T17:48:00.000-08:002009-01-08T17:54:08.751-08:00

Darkness settlesupon the blanket of snow.Bone-chilling cold,rivers cease to flow.Light suspendedbounces in icy air.Barely visible first,irresistible stare.Hope rekindled,A glimpse of light,From lonely solitude,Ignites the night.Tiny as a spark,Yet growing in the gaze.Clarity of noon daycasts out haze.Candle-bearer arise!Demolish the night.Fear not the darkness,the world needs HIS light.

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-92060234747705949872009-01-08T17:44:00.001-08:002009-01-08T17:48:30.058-08:00

Pull open the curtains,let the sunlight in.The darkness was stale,Overstayed its welcome,if ever well-received.But it was comfortable,however destructive.Squint in the brightness,but feel the warmth.Secrets exposed,but love heals the hurt.Your eyes will adjust,and grow to love the rays,shadows no longer sufficient,You yearn for the Truth.Unveil the lies,and see their true colors.Gaze into the

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-67120918995790263622009-01-08T17:42:00.002-08:002009-01-08T17:44:12.281-08:00

After battling with severe anorexia for over half of my life that truly should have killed me, after being prescribed a combination of medications that placed me in a position psychologically to attempt suicide three times (each of which should have taken my life), God revealed that He preserved me for this time in history. He saved me so I could get to this point and receive the healing that I

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-40459721358306581542009-01-08T17:42:00.001-08:002009-01-08T17:42:48.915-08:00

Rejoice in the Lord AlwaysAs I was in the Word last night, God led me to study the word “rejoice”. As I sought to understand what it was to rejoice in the Psalms, I realized that in the Old Testament, rejoicing is an overflow of emotions, stimulated from an external circumstance. It is an extreme “happiness, expressed in a visible or external manner.” This rejoicing took place in festivals,

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716446535173089850.post-69112164872296773612009-01-08T17:41:00.000-08:002009-01-08T17:42:17.709-08:00

When I think about Peter in his early apostleship, I think of instability and impulsivity. There is a love for Christ, but he is very emotion-driven rather than conviction-driven. Jesus, however, even though He knew this, saw Peter for what He was going to do in and through Him. He saw him for what he would be, not what he was at the present time. The amazing thing about Peter’s life is that

Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05367788837100128767noreply@blogger.com0